Avengers: Age of Ultron- Thoughts (SPOILER FREE)

I am very happy right now.

And very tired as well.

But it was a perfect day for me- at least so far…but i know the rest of the day will be as good as the first half anyway so…

Anyway, today started off so great, i wanted to make it better. Here in India, Marvel’s latest movie “Age of Ultron” has already been released. It just released yesterday as a matter of fact. And so i decided to go watch it- make my day even better. I couldn’t have made a better decision…

I must confess something first though- i’m a Marvel fan like any other- yes. But i did not love Marvel. There is a difference.

Sure…i loved their characters and movies like every other second person you meet on the street. I admired their strength, the way they transformed themselves into this movie churning conglomerate within a brief time, their beliefs, their abilities and clarity about themselves and their work….but no. I did not love them, at least not with my heart. I just….respected them and that was it.

I enjoyed their movies. I liked “Guardians of the Galaxy” along with the rest….i like Tony Stark and RDJ like anyone else…the list goes on….and that’s how it had always been. At least until today.

“Age of Ultron” in simple words…is simply mind blowing. Sure, this is a term you’ve all heard before but in this case IT’S true. During the second half of the movie i actually held the sides of my face and went “Woahhh” and had to try really hard to not go ballistic and jump up from my seat, shake my fist at the screen and yell “Yeahhh…and THAT’S how it’s done!”

My only disappointment with the movie was the fact that THIS mid credits was not the one we got. Sure i knew it was fake…but it was still nice to hope….

I’ve read several reviews of GOTG and i clearly remember one particular review that said that “GOTG is an unknown Marvel product which they handpicked and turned into one of their crown jewels” It’s true, yeah…but if we were to imagine Marvel on the whole as this golden crown (to go with the Infinity Gauntlet” maybe?) and all their movies as these jewels adorning the crown then i can safely say for now that “Age of Ultron” is the crown jewel in the crown. At least for now, because after the end of the movie you are left with this feeling…you KNOW for sure that what you have seen so far now, though it was incredibly amazing and mind blowing…it really is nothing compared to what’s gonna come in the future. Spider-man, Black Panther, Doctor Strange, Captain Marvel, the Infinity Wars…oh my god, i just cannot wait.

My dad had Star Wars during his child hood. The Marvel Phase movies is my Star Wars.

I really cannot say anything further without spoiling details about the movie. And i don’t want to either.

Because it’s my sincere wish that everyone who can afford to go see the movie in the theaters (Yes, this has to be watched in the theater, not your PC…you don’t really get that same ‘mind blown’ effect…) should go watch it and enjoy Marvel’s latest treat. This movie really is a piece of work….apparently Joss Whedon was afraid and paranoid that he had made a terrible movie. Mr Whedon, i have to tell you this- your first movie, “Marvel’s The Avengers” sucked balls. I hated it. Your sequel on the other hand- it’s a fine piece of work and one of Marvel’s best movies to date. You have nothing to worry about- this is an amazing movie.

Please…go watch the movie (I know you will anyway, what the hell am i saying? It’ s Marvel…i mean…it’s MARVEL!…) you won’t regret it, just like i didn’t.

I will say one last thing before i leave though- Paul Bettany’s character, the Vision- easily one of Marvel’s best cinematic characters to date. Keep an eye out for him, Joss was right (if it really is Joss who said this..) – he really is THE perfect man.

All right…i’ll go now before i spoil anything.

Happy viewing ūüôā

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The Oscars Predictions as to who might just win…

Obama once again lectures India on rights who are still reeling from a new swine flu scare, Kiev braces for a rebel attack on key port city and the new Boko Haram videos hints ties with ISIS.

Mmmhh…

Also, the Oscars ceremony happens on February 22…aka…TODAY!

What?

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So screw all that- let’s talk about the Oscars. It’s party time…at least for them…you know…whatever….

I had actually forgotten that today is the day the Oscar statuettes will be given over to the selected winners. I had been swamped with work and whatever free time I had I spent it watching Oscar nominated and nearly nominated movies (You should have been nominated for Best Actress, Jennifer Aniston!)

And there are so many categories present in the Academy Awards section but screw them as well. Let’s talk about the categories that the general mass cares about. Now..this is nothing but yet another person’s opinion: people will either agree or disagree with me and when the ceremony does happen, i’m sure we’ll see a spate of news about the disgruntle of the choices made by the Academy and a lot of debate both online and in face to face private and personal conversations. This I think will persist until the weekend or at least until something else happens or Kim Jong Un throws yet another hissy fit with a nuclear threat behind it.

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So let’s begin. Here are my predictions as to who will win filmdom’s most prestigious award….

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Errr…

Ok so here they are. I can’t wait to see how right (or how wrong) i was:

Best Picture:¬†Boyhood…duh…but i’d rather see¬†The Theory of Everything or Birdman¬†winning the Oscar for this category.

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Best Actor: Eddie Redmayne- The Theory of Everything for his portrayal as Stephen Hawking

or…

                    Steve Carell- Foxcatcher for his portrayal as John du Pont

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(You terrifying dude…who would have thought?….)

Best Supporting Actor: J.K Simmons as Terrence Fletcher in Whiplash

or…

                                           Edward Norton- Birdman 

But seriously, who are we kidding? J.K Simmons is gonna win for sure because he IS awesome, Terrence Fletcher is awesome and the movie is mind-blowingly awesome!

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Best Actress: Julianne Moore- Still Alice as Dr Alice Howland

or…

                        Marion Cotillard- Two Days, One Night as Sandra Bya

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(But we all know that Rosamund Pike has a better chance of winning due to her portrayal in Gone Girl. I’m gonna be scared of the woman for the rest of my life.)

Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette- Boyhood as Olivia Evans

or….

                                                Emma Stone- Birdman

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Best Director: Now..once again there is a very good chance that Richard Linklater is gonna go home with this award from this category but personally, I’d want-

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† Alejandro Gonz√°lez I√Ī√°rritu: Birdman¬†

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or maybe even….

                      Bennet Miller: Foxcatcher

Clearly, I’ve favored Birdman¬†a lot. But who is to say that the Academy won’t do the same to either Birdman or Boyhood.

Time will tell, celebrities will win their Oscars, quite possibly maybe even…

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hahaha…

and life will go on. Frankly speaking- I don’t care who wins (ok maybe I do a little..) but at this point, I just hope the host does a good job and I’d like to wish Neil Patrick Harris all the very best.

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Let’s see who wins…

The Kingsman v/s Fifty Shades of Grey

Audiences worldwide will have two new movie choices. Actually, three but i don’t want to talk about the new “Sponge Bob movie: Sponge out of the water” now. Partly because i recently played “Spongebob Slendy-pants” recently for unknown reasons and i’m still a tad bit scared but partly also because i want to focus on just these two movies: The Fifty Shades of Grey adaptation and Kingsman: The Secret Service. So let’s talk about Fifty Shades of Grey first.

Fifty Shades of Grey:

(Synopsis:¬†Should we even care? We know the damn story anyway…why bother?)

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No thank you! Can i please see someone else?

This really is a good time to be single- I pity the fools who are forced to watch this movie with their girlfriends and are dragged to the theater against their will.

The movie is gonna be coming in first this week, the film adaptation of the best-selling “mummy porn” book by the author E.L. James. I think it’s quite safe to say that the most hyped movie of the year is not going to be a critical darling (i wonder why…it’s beyond me, really…) but since the source material was a worldwide phenomenon just a few years ago, it’s very likely that the film is gonna be a considerable financial success. The fans of the novel have been clamoring for the movie adaptation for quite some time now and now that the release is just a few days away-¬†advanced ticket sales are some of the highest in history ‚Äď all of which are positive developments for its chances. Because of all the mass hype,¬†Fifty Shades of Grey is currently projected to gross $89 million in its first three days which would rival the unexpected, record breaking debut that American Sniper had last month. With couples (and i mean: girls) looking for a ¬†steamy option on Valentine‚Äôs Day, this film should have a clear pathway to the top spot ‚Äď especially with Focus Features threatening to release its sequels which are already on the way.

Ugh…

I can’t speak for other single guys but i am definitely not watching this movie no matter what. If i was involved in a sick, twisted, trippy situation where the fate of the world is in my hands and the only way i can save it is by watching¬†50 Shades…well, it was nice knowing you guys. No way am i going to spend the worst holiday on the planet (regardless of whether you are in a committed relationship or not) watching a movie that stars Dakota Johnson as “The Virgin” (yeah, right..) and Jamie Dornan as ” the epitome of male beauty” (YEAH, RIGHT…) and the two engaging in a¬†¬†sadomasochistic¬†relationship. Honestly women- a sincere, GENUINE question to all of you: What DO you see in the movie and book?

The only trailer which is better than the original Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is the Fifty Shades of Buscemi:

Now THIS we would see…

The only guys who i pity more than the ones in a committed relationship with a woman who wants to watch¬†50 Shades… are the ones who are trying to escape the friend zone.

I salute you, my brave comrades. I admire your grit, bravery and sheer tenacity.

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Kingsman: The Secret Service

First- watch this trailer and then, read on. You will not regret it ūüėČ

(Synopsis: Gary “Eggsy” Unwin (Taron Egerton), whose late father secretly worked for a spy organization, lives in a South London housing estate and seems headed for a life behind bars. However, dapper agent Harry Hart (Colin Firth) recognizes potential in the youth and recruits him to be a trainee in the secret service. Meanwhile, villainous Richmond Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson) launches a diabolical plan to solve the problem of climate change via a worldwide killing spree.)

This movie releases on the same day as Fifty Shades of Grey. On top of my head, in no order, let me give you a few reasons as to why you should watch this movie instead.

– It is directed by Matthew Vaughn, the same guy who gave you X-men First class.

– It is based on an amazing comic book “The Secret Service” created by Dave Gibbons and Mark Millar (Honest to god, read it- it’s simply spectacular!)

– It stars Colin Firth (Shouldn’t he alone be an excuse for the ladies to watch the movie? Mr Darcy is back and he kicks ass this time) as a spy who says this awesome line:

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– Colin has this stun umbrella which acts as a one side mirror and has a computer built in it:

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– It shows this awesome wardrobe which any sane guy would love to own:

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– It actually made me like an Izzy Azalea song.

– It has Sofia Boutella as an assassin with blades for feet!:

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– The movie has four¬†poorly photoshopped and unnecessarily sexual promo posters….

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…which is a cool little¬†throwback to the iconic poster for iconic Bond flick, For Your Eyes Only-¬†

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….but so far¬†critics aren‚Äôt saying that‚Äôs a deal breaker.

– It has SAMUEL MOTHER F***ING JACKSON as the villain (aptly named ‘Valentine” who has a lisp! A LISP! ūüėÄ :

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I think this is the only reason needed to go watch  this movie. Nick Fury with a lisp.

(Is he playing Russell Simmons. Think about it Рblack bald man with a lisp, media mogul, speech impediment, preppy clothes?)

He has a plan to kill millions…..he doesn’t “give a f**k” AND…”he can’t stand the sight of blood…”

And this is just one single trailer alone: Earlier reviews of this movie called it a “funnier, naughtier James Bond”. Here’s some early (spoiler free) reviews-

For those who think James Bond has gotten a little too serious in his old age, ‚ÄúKingsman: The Secret Service‚ÄĚ brings the irreverence back to the British spy genre, offering a younger, streetwise variation on the 007 formula while gleefully pushing audiences‚Äô favorite elements ‚ÄĒ sartorial taste, killer toys and cracked-out supervillains ‚ÄĒ to hyperbolic extremes.”
Variety

The fifth and, yes, best film from [director Matthew Vaughn], ‚ÄúKingsman: The Secret Service‚ÄĚ is a startlingly enjoyable and well-made action film leavened by humor and slicked along by style, made by, for, and about people who‚Äôve seen far too many Bond films‚Ķ Credit for that goes to Vaughn‚Äôs adaptation of the script alongside producer Jane Goldman, which finds cheer and cleverness in Millar‚Äôs mixture of retro-style spy action with a snobs-versus-slobs twist.”
The Wrap

The spirit of 007 is all over this movie, but Vaughn‚Äôs script (written with frequent collaborator Jane Goldman) has a licence to poke fun. [The] overall vibe is sheer glee, as if no one involved in the production can believe they‚Äôre getting away with making such a bats**t Bond‚Ķ Millar‚Äôs voice seems to be egging on Vaughn, whose last film, X-Men: First Class, was quite enjoyable but not nearly hardcore enough for denizens of the darker comic-book playgrounds [unlike ‘Kingsman’].”
The Guardian

and lastly…

It‚Äôs hard to argue with a billion bucks at the box office, of course, but at the same time it‚Äôs hard not to feel that the Bournification of the James Bond franchise may have robbed 007 of his sense of fun‚Ķ Which is where Matthew Vaughn‚Äôs Kingsman: The Secret Service comes in. It‚Äôs got ingenious gadgets, suave heroes with the ability to identify a rare brand of Scotch from smell alone, megalomaniacal villains and deadly henchwomen with blades where their legs used to be. It‚Äôs filthy, funny and very violent ‚Äď and frankly it‚Äôs the most fun 007 has been in years.”
Empire

In short? Pure fun and entertainment. An irreverent entry into the spy genre.

Sadly, Kingsman may not prove to be popular enough to hang with Fifty Shades: however it should do fine on its own merits and become a solid February hit. In a perfect world, this movie would beat Fifty Shades in the box office.

Ladies, if you want your guy to be happy this Valentine’s day: watch this movie with him instead. You both will have a good time. It’s assured- this is a movie which both the sexes can enjoy unlike Fifty Shades¬†which either only the female side will (and i don’t think even they will as well…doesn’t the book along with casually associating hot sex with violence also glorifies rape? Christian rapes Anastasia Steele- does the movie show this?) Your guy will be incredibly grateful for you for not making him watch Fifty Shades of Grey…

Every man has his breaking point

Choose wisely…
 


What little i know of Acting…

Do I know anything about acting? I don’t know how to answer that question. I think I might know squat about acting. But I can imagine, right? I think that one of the greatest joys of being an actor is when you are in front of a live audience and they are cheering for what you just performed. I think that the feeling is even greater when you hear the cheer for something that you improvised on the spur of the moment. But to get into character- that’s a tricky part. As a human being, as someone who knows all about us as a person, inside and out, the beautiful and the ugly, there is that feeling of insecurity and maybe in some cases, even self-doubt when you are on stage. Because you are you, you are naked in front of an audience and they can see- they see everything and yes, they do judge, of course they do. But what if you are someone else? You don’t really get those feelings, do you? At least not in that intensity… They are laughing at the character you are portraying, not at you, right? That’s when your job gets a bit easier and you begin to shed a little bit of your inhibitions. And a mask makes it all the more easier, I think. Because you truly are not the person you actually are on stage- you are this whole other person now. You can sing, dance, and go crazy without worrying about any sort of repercussions. I’ve always marveled at how Jim Carrey danced to the ‘Maraccas’ song in the movie “The Mask” as the title character. Because he is playing two characters at the same time, a coin, one of who wears the mask and is a god. The real you, the person who you actually are now feels like your conscience, something shoved to the back of your mind closet. You can access it anytime you want, it won’t go anywhere right? You know where it’s gonna be, you have that safety and assurance- now it’s time to go crazy.

I think that’s how Courtney Cox was able to dance the way she did in this video in her fat suit. As Courtney, well Courtney is afraid to dance and go crazy. As Monica…Monica is someone else so how does it matter. As Fat Monica who is an alternate version of Monica who is also a non recurring character…screw it! You are someone else; you have a different face…screw it. Let’s go crazy, entertain a few people, make them laugh and bring some joy in this world. And when the real you who is now temporarily sitting way at the back of your head tells you that you are responsible for the laughter that you hear, that the part of the applause being given is for you- the real you….boy, it really must be a great feeling for an actor. I can only imagine how it must feel like (for now) But for now, i really can’t stop hitting the replay button again and again. I really can’t stop watching this video and i do pray that someday soon, I‚Äôll be able to do something like this. Grow and learn as a person while you entertain‚Ķ

Spider-man is now part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe! Pop the champagne!

The prodigal son returns! He has been released from the orphanage at last!

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I’ll give you a hint- NOT this guy for sure

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And thank god for that too. In that sense, i guess i should actually be really grateful for “The Amazing Spider Man 2”. Because it if weren’t for that sloppy movie, we would not have witnessed this day- the day the prodigal son returned home. So thank you TASM 2, and THANK YOU Paul Giamatti, for making it very evident through your role that Sony really had no idea what they were doing with poor old Spidey.

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But all silly pictures aside- yes, it’s now official- Spider man is now part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

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In a surprise late evening announcement on Monday, Marvel¬†posted to their official website that they have partnered with Sony Pictures to bring¬†Spider-Man into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No word was mentioned about Andrew Garfield (who played Spider man in the Amazing Spider Man 1 and 2 but since the¬†press release does state that together, Sony and Marvel are looking to take Spider-Man in a¬†‚Äúnew creative direction.‚ÄĚ, i think it’s quite safe to say that Garfield is out of the picture. And regardless of who is now going to play Peter Parker next (yes, it’s still going to be Parker and not Miles Morales instead) Spiderman will first appear in the Marvel Cinematic Universe before starring in the next Sony Spiderman movie in July 28, 2017 which means the current plans for a 2016¬†Sinister Six have been scrapped. It also means¬†Thor: Ragnarok¬†– which originally had that date ‚Äď and the rest of Marvel‚Äôs Phase 3 following it, have shifted to make room.

Thor 3 moves from a July 28, 2017 release (now held by Spider-Man) to November 3, 2017.

Black Panther moves from November 3, 2017 to July 6, 2018.

Captain Marvel moves from July 6, 2018 to November 2, 2018.

Inhumans moves from November 2, 2018 to July 12, 2019.

Release dates for The Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 and 2 remain the same, May 4, 2018 and May 3, 2019, respectively.

The Avengers 2 hits May 1st; Ant-Man on July 17th; Doctor Strange on November 4, 2016, and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 on May 5, 2017.

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Further agreements of the deal are unknown but keep in mind that the deal comes after a turbulent few months for Sony. The Culver City-based studio was victim of a massive cyber-attack by North Korea recently in what devolved into a financial and publicity nightmare. And just last week, announced that Pascal, its veteran exec and face of the studio, would be stepping aside who later expressed her desire to be a producer.

Shit. Do we have to thank North Korea for this deal?

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Frankly speaking- this is just brilliant! Ever since Marvel announced their plans for the Civil War story line, I’ve always wondered how they are going to bring the book to screen without Spider Man.¬†Those who have read Civil War will remember that Spider Man wound up playing an absolutely huge role in the story. In a fight between pro-registration superheroes (led by Iron Man) and anti-registration superheroes (led by Captain America), Spider-Man finds himself caught in the middle, but is convinced to join Tony Stark’s side. In a show of support for the movement, he winds up doing something radical, and actually goes on live television to reveal that he is Peter Parker:

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By now we know that Captain America 3 will start the Civil War story line. It would also act as a setting for Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther (whose concept art was revealed months back to instill faith in the movie goers- seen below) who after his cameo will feature next in his own movie in July 6, 2018.

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Considering how the production of Captain America: Civil War movie hasn’t begun yet, we can see how easy it would be for Marvel to include Spider man in the movie even if it is just as a brief cameo before his full extended role in the nest Sony Movie. Moreover Marvel now has a chance to rectify a lot of mistakes committed by Sony: the main one being the assumption that the audience still wouldn’t mind seeing Peter as a high school kid who suffers from his own share of relationships and unrequited love. Don’t do that Marvel- do not give us a teenage Peter Parker again. Because with this deal now actually having come to fruition, Marvel can now re invent Spidey in their own way- the possibilities are endless. My request to Marvel- please introduce Spider Man as a grown adult. Get your inspiration from that comic where Peter is now a science teacher in Midtown high (Peter’s old school)…

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…who not only will be taken seriously as an adult amongst the Avengers roster but also, later in either of the Infinity war movies will be able to wear this kick-ass armor designed especially for him by Tony Stark (The Iron Spider)

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Woahh..

The scope for improvement and re-imagining is just too high!

It only makes sense due to the two Infinity war movies- the Iron Spider MUST make an appearance!

The big question now is how Marvel will handle Inhumans since they won’t debut until after the Infinity War saga but have already been introduced in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on ABC. Marvel Comics readers are likely very ware of how important theInhumans are to the major space-heavy crossover events (War of Kings, Realm of Kings, Infinity, Inhumanity) over the last half a decade so it’s foreseeable that Phase 4 could setup another Infinity War-size event where they play a crucial role at the forefront.

Throw in the new Spider-Man who will undoubtedly be cast with a super long-term contract, and we can already begin piecing together what heroes will form the Marvel Studios phase 4 roster.

But as for now:-

Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Spider-man, Nick Fury, War Machine, The Winter Soldier, Falcon, Iron Man’s remote controlled suits, Sif, Frandal, Volstagg, Hogun, Heimdall, Loki, Scarlett Witch, Quicksilver, Rocket Racoon, Star Lord, Drax, Gamora, Groot, Nova Corp, Black Panther, Doctor Strange, Agents of Shield team, Ultron (maybe, if not destroyed), Captain Marvel, Ant Man (both of them), Selvig, Jane Foster, The Abomination, Daredevil, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, a super powered Pepper Potts

V/S

Thanos

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BRING IT ON! ūüėÄ

Jupiter Ascending (Part 2): The Review

(SPOILER REVIEW.¬†Then again, i would be saving you, your life and your time by spoiling the movie. Read on…)

I love Jurassic Park- i mean, who doesn’t? And i adore Richard Attenborough. One of my favorite lines in movie history is spoken by him in the movie and i think you know which line i’m talking about.

“Doctor Grant, Doctor Sattler…WELCOME!….to JURASSIC PARK”-¬† Richard Attenborough as John Hammond.

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It was a great way to start the movie and enter this fantastic, unimaginable world of Dinosaurs and a successful, realistic sounding approach to a mixture of science and fiction. Likewise, i feel that every screening, i repeat, EVERY SCREENING of ‘Jupiter Ascending” should have a welcoming sort of message through the speakers just like in Jurassic Park. Something like this perhaps-

“Welcome to JUPITER ASCENDING- the WORST Wachowski movie ever since the third Matrix movie.”

or perhaps something like this even…

“Welcome to JUPITER ASCENDING where every actor in the movie gives the worst performance in his/her life. Including Eddie Redmayne. ESPECIALLY Eddie Redmayne! Are you ready to watch the worst movie of 2015?! Strap on to your seat-belts because trust me- you WILL want to get out of the theater halfway through the screening.”

Someone very close and dear to me once said i write very harsh, sarcastic movie reviews…reviews in general actually. I was a bit shocked and surprised to hear it. Ever since then I’ve tried to not be harsh as she claims i am: i really have. I have tried to be nice and understanding to every movie I’ve seen so far but for ‘Jupiter Ascending’, i just can’t do it. I’m so sorry but this movie was too bad. You weren’t there! You won’t understand!!

I think my sentiments is best described by a sentence i overheard while running towards the exit (And yes, i was actually running). There was a woman sitting close to the exit and while passing by her, i accidentally over heard her lean to her friend and say, “I will never forgive you for making me watch this movie.” Oh yeah, lady? Well, the only reason i went to see this movie was because i got a chance to watch it for free. And guess what? Even i can’t forgive myself for dragging my sorry ass to the theater.

‘Jupiter Ascending’ is so bad, a movie pirate who is secretly filming the movie to make a quick buck would stop filming it and face palm himself repeatedly for the time he had wasted so far.

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Yes the movie is bad, horrible even to the point where you want to emulate Raj Kapoor and go “Bas! Enough! I’ve had it with this shit!” (Raj Kapoor, a notable Indian actor once screamed that on top of his lungs during a particular screening and left the theater halfway through the screening) But it’s not entirely bad. The visuals in the movie are spell bounding and ¬†in some scenes, even breath taking. The Wachowski’s have created such beautiful worlds in the movie and certain scenes are a remainder as to why CGI is needed when you are trying to tell a story to an audience which is on a wide scale. The world building in the movie is just superb and the visuals and even the originality in them have to be lauded. It really is an achievement and there is no sarcasm here. But sadly, the same can’t be said for the script and the acting. Tell you what? Here’s a good tip from me on how to enjoy “Jupiter Ascending”- buy a good pair of noise cancelling headphones (don’t compromise on quality- for this movie, you need it), go to your nearby local theater which is screening the movie, play some of your favorite music (optional) and just enjoy the visuals the Wachowski’s have created for you. But be warned, you might still get bored of the movie and leave half way. Actually…just forget it- don’t watch the movie. It’s not worth your time.

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At some point through the story (and there isn’t one- believe me), even the visuals get boring and they alone are just not enough to save the movie. Not when you have boring scenes such as the one with “Intergalactic Advocate Bob”, a character who actually exists in the movie, a lengthy DMV like scene where we see how Jupiter Jones becomes a queen legally (Why does this scene even exist, Wachowskis?), boring political scenes you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about, any scene which has the line “I am not your mother” and any scene which has Mila Kunis and/or Eddie Redmayne in it.

Mila Kunis’s Jupiter Jones is so freaking one dimensional and boring: never have i ever hated a character with such great ferocity as i did to Jupiter Jones. The last time i hated a character with such close intensity, it was Ford Brody who was played by Aaron Taylor Johnson in the 2014 movie “Godzilla”. Having a hard time time remembering the character? I don’t blame you: he is pretty forgettable along with being annoying but let me just refresh your memory nevertheless- he is the idiot who aimed his gun at MUTO.
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“I will eat you!”

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“I don’t know what i’m doing but screw it!”

Remember him now? Well, Jupiter Jones is much worse. Way worse than him. She is the “Queen” of Earth after all. If you don’t believe me, sample these lines-

1) Random lady- “Your majesty…”

Jupiter Jones – “Please call me Jupe ūüėÄ ”

Random Lady- “Errr….”

2) Channing Tatum- “I wouldn’t want to upset your royal bowels.”

3) Channing- “I have more in common with a dog ¬†than you…”

¬† ¬† ¬†Jupiter Jones- “I LOVE DOGS!”

4) After hearing that Tatum is half human, half wolf and is also an alien warrior- “Falling for Mr.Wrong…maybe it’s in my genes….is there a way to fix it?” *Leans to kiss the dog warrior…

Ugh…

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There is also a crazy sub plot in the film where Jupiter tries to sell her eggs because she wants a $4000 telescope and her brother wants a big, flat screen TV. Jupiter also uses a sanitary pad to patch up Channing’s wounds and she hits on the dude shamelessly in an effort to extort some laughs from the audience but sadly it doesn’t work. Oh in case if you were wondering: Yes. Channing’s character does fall in love with her because…script. He has also never been in love before- *GASP! I didn’t see that coming. He also saves her every time she is danger (and she is in danger every time her “children” tries to kill her) and at point he even swoops in and catches her mid way while she was falling. Superman, much? Then there are the scenes with the Oedipal villains, the main one being Eddie Redmayne who for some reason talks with a throaty whisper throughout the movie and screams random sentences without warning. His character¬†Balem Abrasax (*rolls eyes at the name) is not scary or villainous- he is whiny and irritating and the guy later falls to his death into a pit of fire because- “villain”. He had to die that way and more importantly, he HAD to die otherwise the audience wouldn’t have believed that he was the villain without that cliched scene present in the movie. Eddie Redmayne must have created a record of sorts by starring in two movies which were released the same year- in one he plays an enigmatic genius and gives a performance of a life time, a performance that is moving and heart breaking…so beautiful (The Theory of Everything). Even Hawking cried when he saw the movie- that’s how moving his performance was. And he as of right now is nominated for an Oscar for that role.

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In “Jupiter Ascending”, as Balem Abrasax (and i can’t even say this ridiculous line with a straight face)- he sucks.

The only good thing about “Jupiter Ascending” is that Sean Bean doesn’t die in this movie. And i don’t even know if one should consider it as a good thing because…we are so used to seeing him die in most of his movies. Maybe a behading of Sean Bean just like the one in Game of Thrones would have livened this movie up. Then again…maybe not- NOTHING can save this movie: there is no redemption.

Boring, ridiculous, cringe worthy, ¬†Star Trek AND Star wars wannabe (Hey Wachowskis! Do you really want to know how to emulate Star wars? Learn from James Gunn)…

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…plain stupid and dumb, full of cliches, dumb lines, jargon and stupid made-up names, predictable, the opposite of fun, the spawn of the devil- you will be glad as hell and find God if you haven’t when the movie gets interrupted by the interval. There were moments when i wanted to leave the theater, there really were. The only reason i didn’t was because if i tried to leave, i would be an inconvenience to other movie patrons. But when Channing Tatum grew wings and began to fly towards the end i was like “F**k this shit”. Sadly i was not able to make my annoyance evident to all as the movie ended before i could run towards the exit. But nevertheless, run i did.

To the Wachowski’s, i propose to you an alternative ending that would not only save the movie but also makes it better by a million times-

“And then after Jupiter Jones and Caine Wise (*snigger) saved te universe and she became the Quenn of Earth……Jupiter woke up with a start with a toilet brush in her hand and her hair in the commode, dripping wet. It was all a dream. The End.”

(Jupiter Jones is a janitor who in the movie says “I hate my life” repeatedly- a feeling that the audience who were watching the movie could easily empathize with. )

DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
You have been warned.

As for me- I SURVIVED “Jupiter Ascending”. I made it! Whahoo!! (Now there’s an idea for a T-Shirt…)

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Jupiter Ascending (Part 1): The Anticipation and Paranoia…

Honest guys, I swear. This was not my plan. I had no intention of watching ‚ÄúJupiter Ascending‚ÄĚ today but turns out, I was free the entire day. And I needed to watch a 3D movie, not because they are *sarcasm on- ‚Äúsooo good!‚ÄĚ but because‚Ķdon‚Äôt ask‚ĶI‚Äôm too ashamed to even put it in words. And so, when I went to the mall near my home to check which 3D movies were currently being screened, ‚ÄúJupiter Ascending‚ÄĚ was the only English, 3D movie available for viewing. So you see I had no choice in this matter. As of now, I have tickets in my wallet for a 1:15 show and for some reason; I have this feeling of dread in me. It is very eerie; I don‚Äôt know why I‚Äôm feeling this way right now. The last time I had this feeling while going to watch a movie, it was ‚ÄúBig Hero 6‚ÄĚ but I was afraid that I might just die from cuteness overload from Baymax‚Äôs antics and quips.
maxresdefault¬†This is not so in this case- the poster alone is enough to scare me and if I weren’t in this situation, I would have just averted my eyes and walked away. Just look at it-

Jupiter Ascending

Yeeuch!

This reminds me so much of Disney‚Äôs John Carter than Star wars, the movie ‚ÄúJupiter Ascending‚ÄĚ is trying to emulate. And we know what a disaster ‚ÄėJohn Carter‚Äô. The poster looks so self-pretentious; honestly it could have been done way better than this. Don‚Äôt believe me? Have a look at this-¬†http://moviepilot.com/posts/2015/02/05/ten-fabulous-jupiter-ascending-alternate-posters-2663023?lt_source=external,manual

Alright what‚Äôs the movie about? The brief synopsis we get is that Jupiter Jones who is played by Kunis is a lowly janitor (unlikely- it‚Äôs Mila Kunis but whatever‚Ķ) who discovers that she had a‚Ķ‚ÄĚdestiny‚ÄĚ to rule over earth as its queen (Sounds like something one would day dream of when their job gets too boring. ‚ÄúBoy, being a janitor SUCKS! If only I could rule over this planet as a queen. But who will crown me as queen? Maybe what if it‚Äôs in my DNA? I was born to be a queen then, one to rule them all‚Ķhmm‚Ķthis would make a good novel. Or you know‚Ķa high budget movie!) When word of her existence gets out she is targeted for assassination by Earth‚Äôs current regime and two warriors Caine (Tatum) and Stinger (Bean) (who like all other Sean Bean characters will most probably die in this movie as well) have been tasked to help her claim and protect her.

And Channing plays a Spock like…badass wolf alien…warrior…what?

Hmmm….

Honestly I don’t even want to know. I really don’t. This face-

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And this scene-

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…is more than enough to make me go running in the opposite direction. But fret not; I shall endure this by mustering all the strength I can. With a few more hours to go until the screening, I might as well get some work done and do some research about the movie, watch the trailers and what not; get ready for what I soon have to face.  And fight, probably. Maybe…

Or maybe I’m getting a bit too paranoid. Its The Wachowski’s for god’s sake! The Matrix, Cloud Atlas…

But for some reason, all I can think of right now is this pic, except instead of Katniss its Mila Kunis in her Meg Griffin voice.

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See you in a few hours with the review…

Update:¬†Here’s the review link-¬†https://thegreatstrange.wordpress.com/2015/02/07/jupiter-ascending-part-2-the-review/

Remembering the legend that was R.K Laxman

India‚Äôs republic day was an event that was waited with baited breath and a sense of apprehension- it was after all the day that the most powerful man in the world would meet our country‚Äôs PM- the darling of the media, if not the masses- Modi. When the day finally did arrive though, the apprehension in the air soon disappeared after we all got a glimpse of the crazy antics of the small powerhouse that is Modi: a selfie with Kal Penn, wearing a pin striped suit with his name embroidered all over it, the peculiar, growing ‚Äėbro-mance‚Äô between him and Barack Obama with both of them referring to each other by their first names and sipping tea in a beautiful and lush gardens of the Hyderabad House while both the media and the world looked on silently‚Ķalmost voyeuristically. And the talks about their on-going chemistry‚Ķugh! This is something that Modi even admitted to-

“Relationships, chemistry matter more between leaders than commas and full-stops on paper”- Narendra Modi, on his talks with the U.S President.

One of the most important events of this year- the meeting of two world leaders who could have a huge, tremendous impact on the world had been turned into tabloid worthy news- a farce and it was sickening. So I decided to turn my attention to something that was actually worth giving any time and attention to- the passing away of the beloved cartoonist, R.K Laxman.

It has of course been nearly a week since his demise and over the course of time; numerous tributes were paid to him from almost every corner of the globe. He was remembered and cherished, his cartoons were looked at once more and treasured by a population of a billion and a thousand maybe more fans from across the globe. At this point I feel that nearly everything that had to be said about R.K Laxman has already been said; by the people who knew him, his friends, family and fans. Sitting here in front of my computer, I feel that I have nothing more to add to the praises that have been sung in the name of R.K Laxman- I am a mere fan; I never knew the man nor had I even met him during a book signing event or so. But nevertheless, I feel compelled to say something in remembrance of his memory and so I shall narrate an anecdote from my life instead and it is about the first time I discovered R.K Laxman.

Almost every one of us in India have been exposed to either ‚ÄúThe Common Man‚ÄĚ cartoon, or any of R.K Laxman‚Äôs cartoons regardless of the generation we belong to; such is his work‚Äôs impact. For most though, I think I can confidently say that most discovered R.K Laxman‚Äôs works in his brother R.K Narayan‚Äôs book, Malgudi Days. It was the case for me: as a young boy, I had accidently stumbled across Malgudi Days in a book store and I had fallen in love with it. However at that time though, although I liked the illustrations, I did not know that they were the work of the author‚Äôs brother nor had I ever heard of him before. But they were beautiful and eye catching and they helped to make the image of Malgudi in my head much more vivid and colourful. I did not ponder further about the illustrations and time passed on.

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Fast forward a few years from that moment; I am now a kid in 7th standard and doing miserably in academics. My parents were worried, the teachers were livid, I was literally the laughing stock of the class with me being sent to the principal’s office nearly twice a week and what not, I had none to share my feelings with or talk to and so I was a very depressed kid who was contemplating suicide. The only thing that stopped me was my parents whose undying love and support prevented me from actually willing my rancid thoughts into reality. My mother who was very worried about me somehow managed to locate a home tuition which was quite nearby and run by one of her patients. The lady was kind and gladly took me in out of respect she had for my mother but she was a horrible teacher. A fun and witty woman she was, yes but a teacher she was not. She preferred to gossip and talk about nearly everything under the sky with her students and when we had nothing to talk about, we played with her dog- a nutty little Pomeranian that shed constantly. I hardly learnt anything under her tutelage, in fact I had so much fun with her, it nearly covered the guilt I had for wasting my parent’s time, money and wishes they had for me- here they were, hoping that I would improve under her care while I was just whiling away the time. Things would of course improve for me and the world would become much more beautiful but for the moment, it all really did seem hopeless. And it was in her garage that I discovered R.K Laxman.

The woman (I have long forgotten her name now) had a tiny garage where we all studied‚ĶI‚Äôm sorry‚Ķ‚ÄĚstudied‚ÄĚ. The place also served as a store room and a library as well for her family. Hence there were a lot of dusty boxes and musty books all around us and on the shelves. One particular evening, I was bored of the conversations madam was having with the students so I began to rummage in her boxes instead. I picked up a book at random and opened it at the very centre. It was filled with cartoons and the very first one I was saw that that which had the theme of pollution. It featured a burly man wearing a striped cape passed out on the streets of what looked like a very dusty, pollution ridden city. No one tried to help the man of course, but there were two men who had noticed him and one of them had commented to the other, ‚ÄúOur roads are so dusty and filled with smoke, even Superman has fallen from the skies, passed out and sick.‚ÄĚ It said something like this on these lines. This carton evoked such mixed feelings I had never experienced before- yes, the moment I read the caption in the dialogue box, I laughed out aloud- in fact I actually guffawed. But I was also angry- angry at the cartoonist‚Äôs depiction of Superman. He was wearing a striped cape! (Yes, even when I was a kid, I was very anal-retentive about superhero‚Äôs, their depictions and interpretations) And since Superman‚Äôs back was shown to the readers instead of his face, I was quite confident of my immediate assumption that the cartoonist had only heard of Superman and had never seen him or even knew how he looked like, hence the unwillingness to draw or show his face. Encouraged by this thought, I flipped the pages, hoping to find more cartoons I could critique further and poke fun at but alas. By the end of the hour, I had fallen in love with the book and by the time I went home and hit the bed, I had read as much as I could about R.K Laxman and was converted into a fan. Madam had even allowed me to borrow her book; in fact she lent me some more books of R.K Laxman.

Years later, it was now 26th Jan, 2015. Life had improved drastically. While my parents were busy getting ready for work while trying to watch the parade and absorb it in as much as they could, I who was bored by then was in my room, arranging and rearranging the books in my book cases- an activity that I enjoy tremendously and can never get tired of. While arranging them in a manner that would make a book shop employee jealous, I came across my old R.K Laxman books unexpectedly was hit by this sudden wave of nostalgia. I couldn’t help but smile at the books lovingly: my first encounter with R.K Laxman had not only changed my life, it had also encouraged me to try my own hand at cartooning- an activity which soon turned into a hobby, led to developing more hobbies such as sketching and making pencil portraits which helped me to find more like minded people with the same interests as mine who later became invaluable, close friends. My recollections of those beautiful, positive memories like such improved my day and so I placed the books at the very centre of my book case where it could be viewed by those who entered as a main attraction of sorts. The rest of the day went by quite smoothly and was only ruined when I found out about the master’s death on social media through a friend’s post. When I heard about it, this was how I reacted and remained till the end of the day-

I am just a mere, humble fan- one among billions. Looking at it that way, I really don’t stand out in any special way. But I will promise you this- I will not forget the impact you had on my life, the positive change you brought upon my family. For that I will remain eternally grateful and will remain so till I finally do get the opportunity to meet you at last when my time comes. And when that happens who knows what we’ll do? Maybe we’ll talk discuss Indian politics, or talk about what humanity did further to mess up/improve the planet. Maybe we’ll talk about crows….

Ha! Now there’s a thought. As a non-believer, I really don’t believe in the concept of heaven. But for the moment, let’s say that it exists- I think it would be real fun to just picture R.K Laxman in it, flying across the skies of heaven sitting on a majestic, shiny crow- a creature that he adored so much.

Rest in peace, Mr Laxman. You will be missed sorely.

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R.K Laxman
(October 24, 1921- January 26, 2015)

The Fantastic Four trailer has been released! And how did it fare exactly? Read on…

Okay so i’m sitting here in my chair, right? I’m thinking about what to write due to my deadline. Movies are my passion- why not write about them? Alright…now which is the one movie that has intrigued me the most this year?

Not Avenger’s: Age of Ultron. No…

Not Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.

Not Ant-man (Disappointing trailer, Marvel- wow!)

Fantastic Four. The Reboot. That’s right- this is the one that has intrigued me the most.

And for good reasons too- the thing is gonna be released in less than 6 moths and we hadn’t seen or heard even a single bit about it anywhere, it’s a reboot of a series whose previous iterations was HIGHLY disappointing, it’s risky because of such and the casting is controversial especially among fans (Looking at you, Michael B. Jordan…)

So i log on to the web and check the news to see if there was any updates about the movie.

And i freak the hell out.

There was a brand new trailer waiting to be seen. And it was…good. Good? Wait…what? Was anyone expecting that?

Did Fox actually make a trailer better than Ant-Man, a Marvel trailer?

Check it out for yourself-

Um…

Even i’m surprised, really to be honest. Sure we didn’t get to see much of Kate Mara or Jordan in their roles but did Miles Teller actually look convincing as Mister Fantastic to you guys? He sure did to me.
The best was The Thing. Sure, we knew that he wouldn’t be a latex suit like the one Michael Chiklis wore in the previous movies. No this is the mo-cap age. Just as a recap- this is how Chiklis looked like-

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Not so threatening but, hey! At least he doesn’t look like his action figure-

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(What in the devil’s name is this?!!)

But the studios had wised up- it’s the THING! The Thing! You can’t slap foam and latex on an actor and expect him to be menacing and threatening! Imagine Marvel doing the same to Mark Ruffalo, who plays the hulk. Yeeush!

Mo-cap was the only option for various obvious reasons. And a leaked image from quite a while back seemed to suggest it as well (which was later confirmed- Jamie Bell WOULD mo-cap the Thing) And for a while we, the audience’s feelings were assuaged a bit.

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(Aforementioned leaked image)

But damnit it wasn’t enough! We didn’t even know if the image was the real deal- the lack of trailers or images didn’t help- Fox did absolutely NOTHING to promote their movie and the actor’s descriptions of the suits were terrifying!

“”It’s a new look. We are all in containment suits. … It’s gritty. It’s a gritty film.”- Michael B. Jordan.

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What? Containment suits?

yellbiohazH(And this will be Miles Teller’s suit in the movie. Moving on…)

No no no no NO! This is wrong. On so many levels. Fox- what is he even saying? I’d rather watch your actors wear the same uninspired costumes from the previous movies than “Containment suits”. And THAT’S saying something!

fantastic-four-5In case you haven’t figured it out yet- costumes are very important to me. How a person is portrayed in term of appearance to me is of utmost importance- you need to get it right, especially if your work is being inspired or based on an already existing source. If someone is making a superhero movie- i want to see how the costume looks like. Costumes according to me are the essence of a movie. If you are making a super hero movie- get your costume right. Stay true to the source material. You don’t have much freedom in the costume department as you think you do- you can tweak a little but not too much. CW- this is NOT the Flash costume-

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But this costume is so much better when compared to Firestorm. CW, what were you even thinking? It doesn’t matter if this “suit” is the Mark-1 of the Firestorm costumes- this just just plain ridiculous. Just compare the two images below-

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But coming back- to a nitpicker like me, a costume is very important. If it strays from the source material or looks too much like rubbish- i just can’t stand it, Michael B. Jordan’s comments about their suits only made my stomach turn and i began to dread the movie and their take on the Fantastic Four costumes. The Thing is taken care of but what about the other three?

Moreover leaked set images didn’t help. And descriptions of the suits along with illustrations only made it worse. Take a look at these two-
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In this first image we see Mr Fantastic aka Miles teller wearing a suit that has a…hexagon on it…is that where the logo goes? What are those lines on his arms and legs?¬†Springy open-ended long suit it might supposed to be but this reminds me too much of the failed Tim Burton- Nick Cage “Superman Lives” costume-

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We know that movie didn’t work for various good reasons- the most important one being the incredulous looking suits. And Miles Teller is wearing something very eerily similar. And what is that on Michael B. Jordan’s costume? Window shutters? No, it’s vents of course but it sure looks like window shutters. Wow, talk about taking realism to the next level. And in the picture, we see Jordan wearing a suit that is quite similar to the illustration- thankfully no ridiculous vents but they are still there. Are we supposed to accept this as the new Human Torch costume. Josh Trank, what are you doing?

Busy releasing an awesome trailer, that’s what he was doing. Wow!

I’m still in a bit of a shock to be honest. Finding out that the trailer had been released officially was something that i did not see coming. And the last super hero trailer that made me this excited was “Man of Steel which even the haters of the movie can agree was pretty brilliant and still still one of the best movie trailers we have received. (Kingsman: The Secret Service doesn’t count- but that was pretty incredible in it’s own right as well…) This trailer was pretty good. Not only that- this was better than Ant-man?! Who saw that coming?

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(No way…)

Sure, the containment suits are still pretty horrendous to look at but it doesn’t seem like this is going to be THE fantastic four suits- just the origin suits for now. The ones that we love- maybe we’ll see them later in the movie, who knows?

And The Thing! Aaw man, the Thing looks brilliant. Granted we didn’t get to see his face but still- this version of the Thing look like something that could actually take on the Hulk just like in the comics. And that part where we see him emerging from a pile of rocks….woah! That is such a cool transformation shot. My god, who would have guessed that i would fan-boy so hard at a movie that refused to hit the headlines since it’s production began? I’m really short of words now- the Fantastic Four trailer…is just fantastic. No other word can describe it well enough. This is how a movie trailer should be like. And here i was thinking that Josh Trank would freak out on the amount of responsibility given to him like¬†Jos√© Padilha who actually did while shooting “Robocop (2014)”

Brilliant work, Mr Trank. Your trailer promises an entertaining movie. And so i cast away aside all my doubts i had about your decisions, including the ones you made about the logo, the new suits, and your casting choices. I’m all pumped up and so now i’m gonna watch the movie with the hope that the movie will be as good as your trailer. I’m gonna blindly immerse myself in the story that you have to tell us and experience it.

And if i haven’t said it enough just yet- wow! What an exciting trailer. Marvel (and i can’t believe i’m even saying this)- take a hint. THIS is how Ant Man’s trailer should have been like!

Wow…
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Can’t wait for this movie now…fingers crossed…

A Rant as to why Paleontologists and Nerds shouldn’t be angry with “Jurassic World” already…

Before we begin, can we please take the time to admire this fan art?

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Will you look at that thing? Oh my god, it is so cool- swear to god, this would make an amazing balcony view:
“Hey honey, would you like to lie down on the T-rex’s tongue and look at the stars…gaze at the moon and bask in it’s light…?”
“I thought you’d never ask…te-hee…”

But i digress…

Has anyone seen the recent Jurassic World trailer? Well, it’s not that recent: the recent one is the Avengers; Age of Ultron trailer 2 but nevertheless, have you seen it? If not, watch it now and let’s come back here after you do-

Alright, now that you are back; what did you think? For fans of the original, it doesn’t really strike as much. For those who have not heard of Jurassic Park (and yes, those people do exist)- it doesn’t really strike as much for them either. And you can’t blame them as well. Granted, director Colin Trevorrow has tried his best to create a continuation of the series (read: movie) ¬†that remains faithful to Spielberg’s original vision. But sadly, he fails a bit and it’s not his fault- back then when technology was not as developed as it is today, it was a feat to impress the audience due to the limitations you had with you. When creating Jurassic Park, the people’s perception of dinosaurs were very different back then- they were viewed as slow and dimwitted but the movie changed all of that. The movie changed cinema forever due to it’s skillful combination of CGI and puppetry and the people’s perception of dinosaurs were changed as well. Now, dinosaurs were not something you’d like to encounter- no. Rather, they were a force to reckon with. And Spielberg and his team worked hard with scientists to make sure they got a lot of stuff about dinosaurs right and they nearly succeeded in doing so. Suddenly, T-Rex was not something one made fun off…

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( Try making fun of this guy- i dare ‘ya )

Even then, Spielberg got most of his stuff wrong- the velociraptors had feathers, they weren’t that big in real life..yadda yadda but it didn’t matter. “Jurassic Park” had science as it’s base. Sure, not complete, accurate science, but it was the fact , the assumption that something like this could possibly happen, that niggling thought at the back of your head is what excited and scared audiences back then and even now. It’s was one of the reasons for the movie’s massive success and popularity. And Trevorrow has it different from how it was before. Now in this age- the GLORIOUS AGE OF CGI- it is very hard to evoke that sort of awe and a sense of wonder in a person. Before CGI became commonplace, people would wonder how a monster such as the T-rex was created. Now we have idiots, who after watching a CGI movie laugh scornfully, “Haha…FAKE!” And you can’t blame them completely either; we have ¬†experienced movies that were heavily laden with CGI, movies that nearly bored us to death. So getting our first view of the dinosaurs from the trailer didn’t really evoke that same sense of awe and wonder we got while watching “Jurassic Park”, in fact, i don’t think we really felt anything at all. I’m pretty sure when people got their first view of the movie’s dinosaurs, most just went “Ho-hum, yet another CGI monster. What’s new?” You can’t blame as well because they are partly right and also partly because of the movie’s new giant-

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What is up with this new dinosaur? It looks fake as hell! Is this the pre-production look of the dinosaur? I hope so because it looks very bad, like as if it swam off the sets of the new “Sharktopus” movie. And just look at that audience and the stadium built for them. And that Metro like rail right next to it. I’m sorry but that scene before where the Mosasaurus eats the shark is very reminiscent of a “Hunger Games” scene. Trevorrow has it very hard because is basically trying to present a continuation of a beloved series as something new to an audience that has literally seen it all. But his effort is commendable; the movie deals with the same aspect as did the original movie, that life, no matter what you do cannot be contained. It will try to escape, it will succeed and it will thrive. I know by now that when it comes to watching movies, the books don’t count even if a movie is based on it as the representation of the story in a book and the movie are two different entities, though they might be the same story (Ex; The Harry Potter series). In the book, “Jurassic Park”, Michael Chricton’s character, Dr. Ian Malcolm (played by Jeff Goldblum in the movie) stresses on how an idea like Jurassic Park could never ever work in real life due to the existence of the ever changing variables present. Having read that, it became very difficult for me to envision a Jurassic Park which could be regularly visited by visitors as the book states that something wrong would surely happen even before the advent of visitors. In “Jurassic World” however, it has been made very clear that visitors have been visiting the park for quite sometime now and that Masrani tech (the fictitious company who created the dinosaurs of this movie) which took over InGen (John Hammond’s company who created the dinosaurs in the original movie) actually managed to succeed in bringing John Hammond’s vision to life. Of course, things does go wrong later as shown in the trailer but after nearly twenty years: twenty years during which Masrani had against all odds succeeded in containing life and they only failed later because they tried to tamper with genetics and breed new dinosaurs which had never existed before because a plan like that is not crazy and unethical at all, right? Therefore this current premise of “Jurassic World” is much more exciting compared to the previous ideas at bringing Jurassic 4 to life: ideas that involved dinos with guns (which was abandoned) and a freakishly scary plot involving human hybrid dinosaurs with even scarier looking concept art. Just have a look at this thing-

Jurassic Park IVScreenshot-2014-11-26-at-3.05.36-PM

This, my friends, is the stuff of nightmares.

So, even with CGI (which Trevorrow claims does not make most of the movie and that practical effects are involved), references to the original movie, cliched lines and Bryce Dallas Howard, it actually has quite a lot going for it, not to mention it actually looks like an interesting watch. (And Chris Pratt, let’s not forget Chris Pratt) And hey, we can’t really say or comment much right now at this stage, right? I mean, all we really got was just a trailer which really didn’t feature that many dino clips, just a few brief shots here and there, or even the movie’s main attraction- Indominus Rex, which based on rumors looks like a crossbreed of the¬†T-Rex, Velociraptor, cuttlefish, and a death adder with human genes spliced into it’s DNA. So something like this, perhaps?-

jasinWTF
( Cthulhu-saurus Rex? )

Of course not. But if we are gonna get a crossbreed dinosaur, an entirely new species, it’s all the more reason for us, the audience to stop saying more because at this point, we are not even dealing with actual science now- just entertainment mixed with a bit of science like the original Jurassic Park. So it shouldn’t be taken seriously at all, not now or later. Keep in mind that whatever happens, whether this movie becomes a hit or not, in the end it’ll still remain a movie made to delight and entertain audiences. But apparently, that is not the case with dinosaur nerds and paleontologists now. They are livid.

Brian Switek, author of the book My Beloved Brontosaurus¬†writes that the film’s fictional super-intelligent, genetically-modified dinosaur shouldn’t have thumbs.

“From trailer, looks like ‘s Big Bad has thumbs. Yeah. A huge, smart, carnivorous dinosaur with thumbs sounds like a GREAT idea”

Morgan Jackson,¬†a blogger and insect nerd from Canada, is upset about the film showing a crane fly trapped in amber when it’s supposed to be a mosquito.

“Dear , Entomologists are real. We’re actually quite nice. Please ask us why mosquitos /= crane flies “

Darren Naish, a zoologist who specializes in dinosaurs in the UK, is most perturbed by the decision not to include feathered dinosaurs.

“Basic message of is “Screw you, science, we don’t need your stinking feathers!! This is alt-future-1993!!”

Mega-mosasaur has palatal teeth (well done) but no forked tongue-tip as per the platynotan hypothesis (boo). And.. frill? FFS”

Do you nerds sincerely believe that the¬†producers of a movie about a dinosaur theme park with genetically modified monsters weren’t really concerned with scientific accuracy? Are you all for real? Somewhere, Speilberg is glad that he didn’t have to deal with you people.

It’s not just nerds. We have paleontologists as well. Here we have¬†Hans-Dieter Sues,¬†National Museum of Natural History¬†Curator of Vertebrate Paleontology who complains that the dinosaur¬†reconstructions are totally out of date and the Smithsonian who claim that the raptors should have been feathered. To them, i ask a question. Does this modern representation of a velociraptor look at all intimidating in any way?

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It’s an overgrown chicken! This thing is not intimidating at all. Do you have any idea how expensive it’ll be to animate those feathers in a movie? And plus, this is the very exact old complaint rehashed again for Jurassic Park where paleontologists complained that the velociraptors shouldn’t be that big, that they were twice the size and should have feathers. Granted, most of this information weren’t available back then but still, an argument was made that questioned the velociraptor’s height and ferocity. One of my questions to you know is why you, who is working in an ever evolving field make claims that this is how it was and how it should be and every other representation is wrong? Didn’t you guys tell the producers of Jurassic Park that a raptor of human height couldn’t not exist? And after the release of the movie, you guys discovered Utahraptor? A human size, featherless raptor?

Turok_Utahraptor(Utahraptor- a featherless, human sized, “velociraptor” like raptor )

Another complaint being made about the raptors is that scene where Chris Pratt rides to probably save the day with Velociraptors running beside him. Rumors have it that Pratt’s character is supposed to have tamed the Raptors and the nerds are fidgeting angrily in their La-Z-boy chairs-

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And the other complaint is the Mosasaurus (in pre-production stage hopefully) who Paleontologists complain is and i quote “Too big and the frill at it’s back should not be there….)

 112614_Mosasaur_FEAT-322x268
( Roar…? )

But-

When mosasaur has pterygoid teeth (specialist knowledge), but theropods don’t have feathers (when everyone knows they do).

So, basically, the only thing they are happy about is that the “Jurassic World” team got…the teeth right? What a weird, obscure thing to be happy about…

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( Mosasaurus’s¬†ecstatic face at the dentist’s… )

This is where you nerds and paleontologists went too far- you nitpicked a bit too much.
Let’s deal with the Chris Pratt scene first. First of all, even you can’t help but admit that the scene looks incredibly cool, ok? It’s Star Lord riding with Velociraptors- this is who every kid wants be right now. Including me. Let me show the pic again to remind you how awesome that scene is-

640_jurassic_world_embed2( Look at that heroic face…)

Secondly, let me remind you all that you are making all is complaints and assumptions over brief blink-and-miss clips. Out of those 2.5 seconds, how did you all manage to determine the entire size of the Mosasaurus? We didn’t get a proper look at the entire stadium for you to do that. This is something that you need to do AFTER the movie releases when you got a good detailed look at the dino bad boys. Complain all you want then.

And Chris Pratt taming the velociraptors is a rumor. Don’t start with how a ferocious creature like the Velociraptor can’t be tamed as your entire knowledge of the raptor is based on assumptions. Maybe they could be tamed- you don’t know, you haven’t met them or come in close contact with one. Maybe these new, human sized, featherless raptors can be trained, huh?

Or maybe Pratt doesn’t tame the raptors. Maybe they are just running beside him because they are all running towards something big. Remember the final scene of “Jurassic Park”? The raptors ignored Sam Neill, Laura Dern and the kids when T-rex burst in and they attacked him instead. And that’s what they probably are doing now. The only reason these raptors aren’t attacking Chris is because maybe a big dino, possibly Indominus Rex is doing something to their territory. You can’t really expect a raptor to go, “Must save territory…OH LOOK! Human on bike- must eat human now. Priority changed due to munchies.” now, can you?

Or even if Pratt’s character tamed the raptor’s, i’m sure the director has an explanation that will calm you all so relax and take a chill pill.

As for those begging for “realism”, let me point out a couple of things-
– There is no such thing as realism in movies.
-“Jurassic Park” isn’t “realistic” as well. And so is Jurassic World. You are begging for realism in movies where you cannot bring Dinosaurs back to life as they do in the movies. The very basic premise of the movie isn’t realistic.
-You have only seen the trailer where you got brief glimpses. So stop making assumptions and watch the movie first. You can then rant as much as you want.

Or let’s not do this all. Let’s make a movie that is bombastic, ridiculous, unrealistic and will satisfy EVERYBODY. Hey, Spielberg- remember the original scrapped plan for Jurassic 4? The one with Dino’s with guns? Yeah, let’s make that the sequel or reboot now, shall we?

4fuFk( *Insert cool, memorable, quotable dialogue here* )

And everyone lived happily ever after. And the nerds rested in peace.