Honest guys, I swear. This was not my plan. I had no intention of watching “Jupiter Ascending” today but turns out, I was free the entire day. And I needed to watch a 3D movie, not because they are *sarcasm on- “sooo good!” but because…don’t ask…I’m too ashamed to even put it in words. And so, when I went to the mall near my home to check which 3D movies were currently being screened, “Jupiter Ascending” was the only English, 3D movie available for viewing. So you see I had no choice in this matter. As of now, I have tickets in my wallet for a 1:15 show and for some reason; I have this feeling of dread in me. It is very eerie; I don’t know why I’m feeling this way right now. The last time I had this feeling while going to watch a movie, it was “Big Hero 6” but I was afraid that I might just die from cuteness overload from Baymax’s antics and quips.
This is not so in this case- the poster alone is enough to scare me and if I weren’t in this situation, I would have just averted my eyes and walked away. Just look at it-
This reminds me so much of Disney’s John Carter than Star wars, the movie “Jupiter Ascending” is trying to emulate. And we know what a disaster ‘John Carter’. The poster looks so self-pretentious; honestly it could have been done way better than this. Don’t believe me? Have a look at this- http://moviepilot.com/posts/2015/02/05/ten-fabulous-jupiter-ascending-alternate-posters-2663023?lt_source=external,manual
Alright what’s the movie about? The brief synopsis we get is that Jupiter Jones who is played by Kunis is a lowly janitor (unlikely- it’s Mila Kunis but whatever…) who discovers that she had a…”destiny” to rule over earth as its queen (Sounds like something one would day dream of when their job gets too boring. “Boy, being a janitor SUCKS! If only I could rule over this planet as a queen. But who will crown me as queen? Maybe what if it’s in my DNA? I was born to be a queen then, one to rule them all…hmm…this would make a good novel. Or you know…a high budget movie!) When word of her existence gets out she is targeted for assassination by Earth’s current regime and two warriors Caine (Tatum) and Stinger (Bean) (who like all other Sean Bean characters will most probably die in this movie as well) have been tasked to help her claim and protect her.
And Channing plays a Spock like…badass wolf alien…warrior…what?
Honestly I don’t even want to know. I really don’t. This face-
And this scene-
…is more than enough to make me go running in the opposite direction. But fret not; I shall endure this by mustering all the strength I can. With a few more hours to go until the screening, I might as well get some work done and do some research about the movie, watch the trailers and what not; get ready for what I soon have to face. And fight, probably. Maybe…
Or maybe I’m getting a bit too paranoid. Its The Wachowski’s for god’s sake! The Matrix, Cloud Atlas…
But for some reason, all I can think of right now is this pic, except instead of Katniss its Mila Kunis in her Meg Griffin voice.
See you in a few hours with the review…
Update: Here’s the review link- https://thegreatstrange.wordpress.com/2015/02/07/jupiter-ascending-part-2-the-review/